So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
