I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
