Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
