His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
