I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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