ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
