i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize