census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
