is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
