She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
