i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
