don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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