He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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