this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
