I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
