why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
