I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
