smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
