Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
