i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
