I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize