OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
