A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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