If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
my poor anus
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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