dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
