How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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