I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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