Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
