based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
