I accidentally had phone sex last night
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
