my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
