She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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