im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
