I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
