Well apparently he's into motor boating.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
