Got a toothbrush?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
