that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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