You're my little dorito
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
