I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
