I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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