are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
