Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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