Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
