i think my tv is drunk
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
