Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
