btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
