I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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