I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize