I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
