my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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