I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
