It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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