I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Randomize
