she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
