that's an acceptable place to lick
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
