my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
