Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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