I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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