i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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