I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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