My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
