Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
