i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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