I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Randomize
